fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
