I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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