Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
