I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
