I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
