people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
third nipple confirmed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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