I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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