so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize