Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
