I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
