best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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