so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Green mimosas i think yes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
