I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
