Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
