I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
