i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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