Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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