i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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