You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
