stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
