another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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