i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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