The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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