Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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