he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize