So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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