i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
