We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
