i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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