That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
