Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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