No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
