Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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