I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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