If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
