Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
