im six kinds of drunk right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
