6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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