YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
