So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
