i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
