I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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