Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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