I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
