Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
