so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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