what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
