I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The police scanner is talking about you again....
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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