So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just cropdusted the office
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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