The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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