you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
