We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
