Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
