Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
