Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
