Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
