She's the barista slut.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
