I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
