there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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