all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
