i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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