We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
