i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
