i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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