I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
