You're so nebulous sometimes
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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