wrigley field is MILF paradise
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize