Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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