I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
