:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
