Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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