the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
