its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
