if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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