I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
