Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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