Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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